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Change of Pace : Correspondence World May 20, 2009

Posted by stevenlockhart in FOF, Journey of Life.
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Change of Pace. Itu adalah sebuah istilah dalam basket dimana terjadi perubahan dalam dribble. Ok, aku memutuskan untuk merubah konsep blog ini dari yang awalnya berupa sebuah cerita gabungan antara fakta dan harapan yang ditulis dalam bahasa Inggris menjadi sebuah cerita tentang pemikiran dan kejadian tentang segala hal yang terjadi dalam duniaku. Selain itu aku juga menambahkan bahasa Indonesia selain bahasa Inggris yang mungkin masih akan tetap aku gunakan karena ternyata ada banyak hal yang tidak bisa di deskripsikan dengan satu bahasa saja.

Sebenarnya sudah lama aku berpikir untuk merubah blog ini karena ternyata aku semakin jarang menulis dan akhirnya suatu hal berhasil men-trigger ku untuk melakukan perubahan ini. Hal itu adalah koresponden yang aku lakukan ketika masih sekolah dulu. Aku sedikit bersyukur ketika membacanya lagi karena ternyata buku itu adalah sebuah dokumentasi tentang kehidupan sekolah ku dulu sehingga aku masih bisa mengingat dengan jelas hal-hal yang terjadi pada waktu itu.

Karena itu aku memutuskan untuk membuat blog ini sebagai dokumentasi tentang kehidupanku sekarang. Karena kita tak pernah tahu bahwa kita sedang membuat kenangan.
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How I Met Kate May 7, 2009

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Here I am sitting in front of my computer watching one of my favourite TV Series How I Met Your Mother and found a very good intro after watching its 22nd episode which is I think can also be used if I ever have to tell the story of How I Met Kate. The girl who I’ve been dating right now.
The movie says : The great moments of your life won’t necessarily be the things you do, they’ll also be the things that happen to you. Now I’m not saying you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your life. You HAVE to take action, and you will. But never forget that on any day, you could step out the front door and your whole life can change forever. The universe has a plan (or in other words God has plan) and that plan is always in motion. Making sure that you end up exactly where you’re supposed to be, exactly when you’re supposed to be there. The right place at the right time.

It started when I was officially become the president of KMK’s event which is Christmas. There are so many things happened on that time whether it’s good or bad and somehow made me return to HIMTI which at that time were also preparing their event. I join as a member in the publication and documentation team and that’s when I met her.

The first time I really met her is when I help putting posters in front of every class. At that time we separated into groups to make the job easier and I somehow ended up with her. At first I barely even notice her because I was too busy dealing with the posters stuff and she helped with the scotch tape. This is the first time when I get her name. And the second time during the team meeting, I was bored and trying to look for someone to joke around. And the only person who I can having fun with is her who also happened sitting beside me. And so it started.

If I didn’t take the job as the president of KMK’s event at that time, I probably wouldn’t return to HIMTI. And I would probably doing what I was doing at that time and I would have never met Kate. But I took it and met her.

And also I have learnt a lot from the time when I found out a secret underground community which I like to call The Game. So I knew exactly how to behave around the girl I like, how to react in a certain situation and what I should or shouldn’t do.

If I never found out that secret world, I probably wouldn’t know what to do and how to do it and I probably blew it away. But I did found out and learnt a lot and I didn’t blew it.

And so there it is. There’s a lot of little reasons why the big things in our lifes happen.

Three things in life January 14, 2009

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I always think that life is separated by three things which are career, love and lifestyle. And while I’m still at college that means I still have no career and all I have is the things that support it such as education, experiences, connections, knowledges etc. Well I’ve got plenty of experiences and some knowledge based on my habit which is always trying to find out and do new things. And also I think that I have a great lifestyle eventhough it’s not too luxurious and also not too cheap. But, I guess my theory is right, when you are so good and so dominant in one or two of those three things then there must be another thing which can’t keep up and as for me it’s love.
Well it’s not like I lack of love, I have people that I love and I believe I have people who love me either, I love my parents, I love my brother, I love my friends. But, I don’t have any special person in my life, even worst I don’t need that kind of person as for now. When almost all of the people around me so focus on trying to have that special person, I have no intention on having that. It’s like I suppress myself as hard as I could not to grow any larger feeling than just ‘attracted’ or I haven’t found someone who could makes me feel that emotion. Strange as it may seem, I try to figure out why do I become like this and find out thousand of reasons such as: I am grateful for the things that I already had rather than the things I desired, I have a bigger things to concern about than just finding a girlfriend, I’m so focus on my life, I can’t convert my attraction towards a girl into a bigger emotion, I’m too lazy to play with a girl who puts so much resistance and play-hard-to-get especially for the girl I don’t really care about. I guess those are the main reasons.

Well and I guess this is also another reason why I don’t need a girlfriend for now. For some times I have been looking for a group. A group where the people in it can fit with me and push me to become a better person. For the past two years, I think I have been searching in a wrong place an I guess I have found it now. Who would have thought that it is right in front of my eyes. For the past several months I’ve been spending my time with my friends from HIMTI’s third division which are Lance, Mark, Cynthia and Rebecca. The funny thing is that it is me who separated from them last year but somehow a certain situation brought me back. I don’t know whether the four of them have regrouped before I came or it’s me that have brought us closer together. I don’t really care either. But what I do know is that this is the place where I belong. We’re starting to work together, thinking, having fun and making plans together. Like yesterday, travelling four malls in one day and finished it by watching a movie called “Bedtime Stories” which is played by Adam Sandler. The main idea about the movie is about family and somehow I do feel somekind of moment back there. And then, remembering an episode from Gossip Girl which says “with friends like this, who needs armies” I create my own quote : “Who needs girlfriend when you have friends like this.”

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Nikon-ers November 25, 2008

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I’ve just got back home from my friend’s when suddenly I realize that Copper IM me.

Cartwright: Hey Steve, do you still planning to buy a DSLR camera?
Lockhart: Of course I am, but not in the nearest time. Why asking?
Cartwright: Well, I’m also considering to buy one.
Lockhart: Wow, that’s great. So which one do you considering to buy?
Cartwright: I guess the D90 one.
Lockhart: Ho, the new one. How much is it?
Cartwright: About $1000. Maybe 13 million in your place
Lockhart: 12.5 million. And it’s similiar with D300?
Cartwright: Almost similiar, and it’s body only.
Lockhart: Without the lens? And what lens do you want to use?
Cartwright: I’m still thinking over it, Ashton suggest that I take the 18-200/f 3.5 VR but I was thinking about 24-85/f2.8 so I can get a clear night shot.
Lockhart: I don’t know, I guess if I were you I’ll take the 18-200 one. Beside, it’s VR already, I guess it won’t be much of a problem if you want to take the night shot.
Cartwright: Well, actually, I’m not too sure about this VR.
Lockhart: And how much the lens cost in there by the way?
Cartwright: 18-200 $600 while 24-85 cost $500

Well I am looking at www.jpckemang.com and got the price in there.

Lockhart: Well it’s 8 million in here for the 18-200 one. Damn, by summing it up, it will cost about 20 million. It’s totally out of my price range, I guess I will still stick with D60.
Cartwright: Yeah, it’s a hard call for me. By the way I have to get into the class now. Talk to you later then.
Lockhart: Yeah. See you then.

Both of us are Nikoners because the camera we used when the first time we learn about photography while we were at junior high school is Nikon. While most of my friend right now are Canoners (these are actually the term I like to use). Well I guess I do really need a lot of saving to buy one immediately.

Remorse November 21, 2008

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Somehow and sometimes I think I feel a little bit of remorse inside of me. Who would know that working in my organizations somehow can be quite of fun. And interesting. I learn a lot of things and when I say ‘a lot’ it really means ‘a lot’.

But what I do feel regret is that I didn’t do this a little bit sooner so that I didn’t get much of a chance to work with some of my senior and learn things from them. People who I admire and look up to. Because they seem to know what to do at a certain time. And by this time when my period has almost ended because it’s my third year in college, suddenly I feel like I want to do something to contribute myself. I don’t know where this feeling comes from, somehow I just think that I have the power to change and influence a lot of things. I’m starting to sharing some of my thought with my other friends, giving some opinion, advices, anything that I can do within my power which I’ve never done before.

Yeah, I’m starting to give my concern to my organizations. But sadly, I don’t have much power than I am a year ago because I was too busy creating a lifestyle at that time. I’m not blaming other people or other things. I don’t even blame myself because I have already made a choice and decided about what I was about to do with my life at that time and I’m going to live with that choice. What I’m about to do right now is try to make up all of the time that I have wasted.

And certainly, what I do really know at this time is that I have to leave something from me for this organizations for what they have given me for this past several years.

Whatever.. November 16, 2008

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Well. I don’t really care whatever the problem is. I told them about the thing that’s make me upset for the past several days. I came to them, asking for explanation but instead silence is the only thing I got. And it’s not like I’m mad at them, I still can control my emotion, and my voice, is it? I’m pretty sure that I deserve some kind of explanation from them. But since they spoke nothing, whether they had to keep it secret or they didn’t know what to say, so I was the only one speaking at that time. My legs were shaking, I didn’t know why but that’s what I felt. I burst out all of my mind, and I didn’t really care whom I spoke at that time.

And after I finished, there was a moment of silence among us, I was expecting that they gave their arguments and try to make me to look from their point of view. But they still quiet. Another dissapointment I thought. This is not what I came for. Getting their silence. I needed answer, I needed explanation because I didn’t understand how they were thinking.

And since they were so quiet, I assume that I was right.
And they told me that they will discuss this problem with others and try to come up for a solution. Well to tell you the truth, I’m not so sure that this decision will change and I’m pretty sure that this will remain the same. I have no problem actually, it’s not me who they ask for making some funds. Seriously, I don’t want to divide my focus concerning with this, I don’t care, the only thing that I care is my team, I’m their leader at this time and I have my job to protect them, to keep them focus. If ‘The Company’ thinks that I will stay quiet and keep obeying when they take almost all of my team and put them under some job or project, if that’s what they call, then they are completely wrong.

Well at least I told them about this thing and not talking behind their back. I will appreciate whatever solution they come up with.

Or maybe I don’t care whatever solution they come up with.

Dissapointed November 11, 2008

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I feel like I want to scream right now. After I thought that I have make everything goes as I planned then suddenly a big storm come and hit my team. Yeah I like to call it a team rather than anything else. What makes me dissapointed is that the source of this storm comes originally from,the term that I like to use, ‘The Company’. They put me in charge for this event and help me to arrange all of the member of my team but suddenly they make another event and take almost all of my member and put them under some assignment.

What makes me upset is the assignment they give to my member. They asked them to make some funds for the event that they are going to make. Which is sounded the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. Didn’t they know that my event also needs fund and by assigning them, they also kill my event at the same time whether they realize it or not. And it’s not only about fund, I feel pity for them, my team,that thing like this will make their focus divided and they will feel more pressure in them.

After two years stick in this organization, this is the biggest dissapointment in my whole life.
I have to do something.

Three lifes in four worlds October 28, 2008

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Okay now I’m officially become the president of the next upcoming KMK’s event which is Christmas. After spending about two years in college life, this is actually a thing that I’ve never imagined before.
Two years ago, I was just a freshman who entered college just like any other kids. And at that time I thought that I don’t want to spend my college life studying just like most other students do, I have to appear differently. So I ended up join in two organizations which are HIMTI (Himpunan Mahasiswa Teknik Informatika) and KMK (Keluarga Mahasiswa Katolik). But, I know there is always a ‘but’, it was not as simple as I thought it was. Just as I spent my time with those two activities, I also spared my time with my high school friends, hanging out with them. Or to put it simply, I have three worlds and each world gave me different things, or value. I didn’t stuck in just one world, so I could get and learn about things which another world couldn’t give me.

I was so sure that I can fit those three worlds together so I added another world. My own world. I learnt things that those three worlds couldn’t give me. But I don’t recall saying that my world is a lifestyle because I did it all by myself. I had put spending time with my high school friends to the top priority because it’s fun, it’s a real lifestyle. And because of that, my other world crashed, I was confuse which one I should prioritize at certain time. But after spending one-two years hanging out with them something triggered my whole world and say that it’s over. Starting with Franco got a girlfriend made me realize that things couldn’t go to the way it used to be. All good things has come to an end and I was starting spending less time with them and they had been becoming to the last in my to-do-list. I guess I was too naive at that time to think that I could fit all of the worlds together.

So that I accepted an offer to become the president of Christmas event, and suddenly all of my time is spent with KMK. I believe that this could boost up my confidence to a level that I will never know. But as strange as it may sound, I am enjoying this. Maybe it’s just another challenge that I should face when you want to be better and better.

~Never treat someone as a priority when they treat you like an option

Stalker October 10, 2008

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Okay, what the hell is going on exactly. It’s two o’clock in the morning but someone calls me. I try to look at the number but it’s private number and this is not the first time actually. I’ve been receiving the same call since about two months ago and it’s always the same, late midnight, private number. I tried to answer it and got a girl voice asking my name, I didn’t know what the hell she was thinking about. So I turn it off.

And now she’s calling me back, I answer it but I don’t speak, I just keep the phone on and try how long this idiot is gonna stay. I try to hear her voice while I hold my breath, because you know, if I breath then she’s going to know that I’m listening to her actually. And this idiot is singing over the phone, I don’t even know what song she is singing.
And then she turns it off.
I figure out that she is going to call again soon so I stay awake for a while. And there she goes again, but this time she let her number appear in my cell phone. Who does she think I am? a fool? The only one that’s going to call me this late is the one that knows that I always sleep late and that’s only limited to my friends. And of course I always have my friends’ cell phone number in my cell. So I do the same thing again,let the phone on and this time she stays for five minutes before she turns it off without even talking anything. What a freak!!

The Game (Cont.) October 8, 2008

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Here I am, wandering around in my favourite bookstore for about two hours. This place is full of books which I haven’t seen before, that’s why I’m very exicted every time I arrive. I have already had a list in my mind of what books I should buy, but the problem is I can’t decide which one I should prioritize first.
Well, I’m a little bit curious about a book which I haven’t seen since I arrive so I decide to go to Customer Service and ask about it.
“Excuse me.” I said to one of the guy there.
“Yes, can I help you?”
“Well, I’m looking for a book called ‘The Game’.”
“The Game?” The looks in his face tells me that he’s trying to guess what kind of book I’m talking about. Which I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t know.
“Ah, by Neil Strauss, isn’t it?” he said suddenly at the moment when I try to tell him its author.
“Yes it is.”
How many books titled The Game in this enormous place actually? but he knows which book I’m talking about. And yes, I know, I’m looking for a book which I have read several times and have changed the way I percieve about a lot of things in this world which basically, everything. So I think it’s worth it.
“I’m sorry but that book has already been sold out.” He explained
Of course it’s sold out, that’s why I can’t find it anywhere in this place. What was I thinking about?
“But there is a book called ‘The Rules Of The Game’ also by Neil Strauss.” He told me as if he knows my dissapointment.
And now it got my curiosity.
“Well, can you tell me where is it?” I wonder.
“Here, let me take you to it.” He offered

And now I’m holding the book and staring it. The book is in red cover showing a picture of high classed looking bald man sitting down in a king-looks-like chair while holding a glass and surrounded by four women. So I turn to back cover and read its summary-looks-like :

If you want to play The Game, you’ve got to know The Rules.
The Rules of the Game govern our lives, our prosperity and our happiness.
The Rules of the Game are emotional and not logical.
The Rules of the Game have been the same throughout human history, regardless of race, culture or nationality.
The Rules of the Game are immutable.
The Rules of the Game can get you laid, loved, married, immortalized.
They can also get you betrayed, dumped, depressed, stalked, beaten, stabbed, shot.
Handle them with care – for with great power comes great responsibility.

And now I’m looking for a place to sit and read. And there I find it, in the corner of one of the bookshelf. I sit on the floor where people pass by and might be staring at me, but I don’t care. The unique thing in this place is that you can sit wherever you want as long as you’re not getting in other people’s way.
So I read carefully page by page by page and find out that this is a guide book where it contains of thirty days and each days contain several missions which need to be accomplished. The purpose of this book is to eliminate insecurities, get out of your comfort zone and doing things that you probably never imagine before. Things that might have been holding you back to become a better person.

And so I decide that this book is worth it and buy it.
Let the game begin.