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The Seven Habits of Highly Effective PUAs May 29, 2009

Posted by stevenlockhart in Articles, Journey of Life.
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Here is some articles that I like to share with everyone especially men about Pick Up Artist (PUA) stuff. Ever since I was dating Kate, I never touched this kind of stuff again. Eventhough I have a lot of access to a lot of resources about this kind of things, but I decided to quit for undefinited time. It’s like putting a lot of stuff (or skill in this case) to a box and seal it.
But this time, I got interested in the subject of the newsletter which came into my email. Kinda seven-habits-for-most-highly-effective-people look alike. You know, one of the most popular book which was writen by Stephen R. Covey which then followed by the next book called ‘The Eighth Habit’. So I decided to read it for a while and share it with all of you who read it. All credits goes to whoever wrote this (Savoy I guess).

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Seven things top gurus know now that we wish we’d known then:

1) Measure skills, not results.

Men usually like results. You made $50,000 last year. You fixed up your dream car. Your team won. Your investments went up 15% went up 5% only went down 25% are still, technically, worth something. You slept with this many women. Etc.

You can’t do this with women and dating.

Being results-focused will actually hurt your game.

If your goals are phone numbers, dates, same night lays, or whatever, you risk coming across as needy. You will be approaching women obviously wanting something. Women can “smell” an agenda.

Your inner game and confidence will also suffer. If your goal is to take a hot girl home tonight but the hottest girl at the party has a photo shoot at dawn the next morning, what are you going to do?

Sure, you can make excuses and exceptions, but that’s a slippery slope and will eventually make all of your goals meaningless.

Focus on what YOU can control and what YOU need to be working on. For example:
* Suffering from approach anxiety? – approach 10 women today.
* Avoiding mixed groups (men & women)? – approach 3 mixed groups today.
* Not naturally physically demonstrative or “touchy?” – touch (appropriately) every person you meet today within 30 seconds.

2) Fashion and grooming matter – a lot.

If you’ve read my book Magic Bullets, especially the chapter on fashion, then you already know this.

Unfortunately, there are way too many people out there pretending that “looks don’t matter.”

Of course they do.

But, they matter in a different sort of way to most women than to men, and not just because they’re not quite as important. It’s also because women judge looks not only on a visual level, but also for what your looks say about your personality.

And that’s mostly about fashion and grooming (mostly hair).

This is a GREAT thing about being a guy – you can go from ugly to attractive with the right changes to clothes and hair.

By “attractive” I don’t mean you can get into fashion magazines. I mean “your appearance is enough to interest beautiful women.”

(Check out the before and after photos in Magic Bullets for live examples.)

Those are very different things. That’s why I don’t recommend you go shopping with women. Yes, they can make you look fashionable. But, they won’t dress you to cut through the clutter and announce to other women: “I am a man with something to offer.”

I remember the first time I heard a girl call Love Systems Instructor Cajun “hot.” I nearly spat out my drink. He’s a weedy little guy. But, he was dressed in a way that conveyed a powerful identity that he was congruent with. And having sick game doesn’t hurt either.

I’m no great shakes either. No woman (except my mom, God bless her) ever said I was handsome until I changed my style.

Use your clothes and grooming to tell women what kind of person you are – relate fashion choices to your identity. Take care of your appearance (especially the details, like shoes), be in touch with yourself, dress appropriately but with a sense of purpose, or fun, etc. All of that is much more important to her (and to your “looks”) than what you look like with your shirt off.

The odds are that, whatever your physical imperfections, there are tons of guys with less going for them than you have who are doing just fine.

This can be fixed in a day. So do it.

3) Being attractive to women isn’t something you switch on and off.

I’ve seen lots of guys be one kind of person for 90% of the time and then attempt to be a pick up wizard the other 10%. It doesn’t work.

To be a positive, outgoing, confident, relaxed, and interesting person when you meet women, your best bet is to focus on being that person all the time.

Trying to turn it on and off risks women seeing you as “acting” or “playing a role.” You won’t feel comfortable or natural, and that will show.

This is a BIG reason why the “guru” approach simply does not work and why you’re part of the Love Systems Community, not Savoy’s Community.

And why over 20 of the world’s best dating coaches and pick up artists, most of whom could easily be the “headline star,” decided to hold themselves to a higher standard and make something special.

So, if what you think you need to do to attract and date women is SO different from your “natural” personality that you have to turn it “on” and “off” THEN YOU ARE DOING THE WRONG THING.

In other words, make dating and seduction techniques work for you. Don’t try to become a different person to fit the techniques.

4) Change her mood, not her mind.

Women are generally not logical, at least as most men understand the term. This goes double in their social lives, and even more so when it comes to men and dating.

If you expect her to think and act like you, you’re just going to be frustrated and disappointed (and miss out on the unique feminine aspects of her personality).

I can’t think of how many nights I went home alone in the early days, having failed to convince a woman who was attracted to me that her friends would get home fine / she’d be just fine the next day / a 45 minute drive home isn’t that bad, really / and so on.

It never worked. What does work is amping her sense of fun, adventure, attraction, etc. – making her emotionally want to come (ahem) instead of logically.

It’s the same principle as when guys ask “I love this routine and that routine in the Routines Manual, but how do I get from one to the other?”

It’s a logical question – and therefore doesn’t matter.

If the emotions are good, the logical side either doesn’t hit her radar screen or is rationalized away. If she’s enjoying the conversation, she doesn’t care why you switched topics.

This also explains how a woman can spend hours over dinner explaining to some guy that she really likes men who are nice, who take things slow, who bring her flowers, etc… and then slip her phone number to a man who makes her feel (not think) attraction.

5) It’s not the first thing you say – it’s the second.

So many guys are worked up about what to say when they approach a woman, that it feels almost cruel to reveal this, but… what you say NEXT is much more important.

Sure, you can blow yourself out by approaching a girl and saying the wrong thing. “Can I buy you a drink?” and “It’s sure loud in here” count as “wrong things.”

But, regardless of how clever, direct, spontaneous, etc., the first thing you say is, after her response she’ll be looking at you expectantly wondering what you’re going to say next.

If you’ve been around for a while, you’ll recognize this issue – early on we had great openers and great attraction material, but no great way to transition between the two.

That’s why we created the Transitioning phase, first revealed in Magic Bullets (you can read about it in the free chapters).

This applies equally whether you “go direct” or “go indirect,” or even waltz up to a woman and say something nonsensical (or even borderline offensive).

Of course, the first thing you say can blow you out.

But more likely, if you’re getting blown out on the opener, it’s a problem with body language and/or tonality. This is really hard to fix by yourself; get someone who knows what he’s doing to watch your game and give you honest feedback.

6) Don’t wait.

There’s an old cliché that no one on his deathbed ever wishes he had spent more of his life in the office.

Well – no one ever wishes he’d waited longer before getting good at Love Systems.

No one ever wishes he could have had just another few months, or years, of not being able to get the girls he wanted.

Yes, it can seem overwhelming. And while it’s easy to find excuses, you CAN make a priority for what’s important to you. No matter how long, every successful journey always begins the same way – with a single step.

You have the power to take that step TODAY.

As a technical question, I sometimes get asked whether you should take your bootcamp as soon as possible or whether you’ll get more out of it if you learn on your own first.

It is true that the more advanced you are going into a bootcamp, the more advanced you’ll be coming out. There are more nuances and subtleties to pick up on and you’ll be able to make better use of the more advanced material.

But, it’s almost always a better idea to do it earlier. Part of the value of a bootcamp is that we can tell you exactly what you need to work on and in what order. This is often very different from what most guys THINK their sticking points are.

Also, the longer you go without getting a very successful man to critique your game, the more you will internalize your bad habits. It’s actually easier to train someone who has never approached a woman in his life than someone who has 1,000 approaches under his belt.

And then there’s math. If you wait 6 months and take a bootcamp, you’ll probably be at or slightly better than the level you’d be at if you took a bootcamp now. But, if you take a bootcamp now and then keep practicing for 6 months, you’ll be MUCH further ahead than if you had waited.

As an example, Braddock was already being considered as a junior instructor just six months after his bootcamp (he’s now a senior instructor). No one is ever at instructor level right after completing a bootcamp.

7) Make it fun!

I don’t know where people got the idea that dating and attracting beautiful women was supposed to be some painful process.

It can’t be, if you want to be successful. Borrowing from some of Love Systems Instructor Mr. M’s breakthroughs, if you’re not having fun, she’s unlikely to be having fun either. This happens through something called mirror neurons.

Some people complain that they don’t like bars and clubs (or a particular bar or club). This one’s pretty easy. Go places you like, where you like the music and the atmosphere. This will also make you want to come back, and as you get to know people at a specific place, you have more opportunities to be “known” and have “social proof” there.

If you don’t like bars and clubs, do day game. The same beautiful women that go out to clubs also go to malls, coffee shops, theatres, galleries, sporting events, and so on. Meet them there.

Or, you might be putting too much pressure on yourself, jumping suddenly between un-social and social activities, or one of a million other “state” killers.

But in general – if there’s one thought I can leave you with:

If it’s not fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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Okay, now I feel a little guilty of over sharing it. But I’m sure if you’re new to this stuff, you only understand half of them. Be sure to use them wisely

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