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Open March 9, 2008

Posted by stevenlockhart in FOF.
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Somehow,I think I need to try to control my feeling.
I still don’t know what I feel about her. Alice I mean. I have done what Liza had told me before, for not comparing her, and I think I have done that very well.
But, there’s this small problem. There’s this one side of me which want to get closer to her, know more about her. While another side of me is still afraid to get close to someone.
I think I’ve been too open to her which I’ve never done before, and I need to confine myself. She has this ability which makes me talk and tell almost all about myself. And worse,I can’t even resist to talk,eventhough I know that she hasn’t been opening herself to me more than I already know. It’s just like, I see myself in her. You know, for letting another people talk about themselves to me and makes me learn about those people but not letting them know about me.
I know that I have told you that she has some similarity with me. But, even this point. That’s too much.
And the more I open my heart, the more I think about her.
And the more I think about her, the more probability it will become love
And that is not good. After I think about it, I’m not ready to love someone yet. Love sucks, it’s just make you hurt. At least that’s what I have experienced.

But, you know, the only way that makes a person get close to another is to share something, talking from heart to heart, and open himself. And this can be done if at least one person doing it. And how can I get close to her if neither of us want to open ourselves?
God, would somebody help me?
It’s just like what Rose in Titanic said:
“A heart of woman is deeper than the ocean.”


A clone? March 6, 2008

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Okay, Linda’s face somehow did pop out when I was talking to Alice. I guess it was just an after effect from my mind, because, you know, I still can’t stop comparing both of them, trying to find the differences.
And I know that this isn’t good.
Another thing that I need to think about is that next week I will start my first teaching in Programming Class. Well, it’s not first actually, if you can put explaining some chemistry answer during high school in front of the class is teaching. Alex had me to prepare a syllabus before teaches, and I haven’t prepared it. Alex is the one who asks me to do this teaching-thing.
Well I’m getting this tension, knowing that I will speak in public. I’ve never done this before except present my work during meeting for some event. I’m getting nervous, and I hope I’m not die before this class even starts.

Hawkeye: Hi, are you there?

Ups, Liza IM’ed me.

Lockhart: Yes, what’s the matter?
Hawkeye: I want you to tell me, about Alice,detail.

Wow, now she demands to know.

Lockhart: What? you’re courious, aren’t you?
Hawkeye: You can say that,but before that, I need to ask you some question regarding of your last email
Hawkeye: Why do you have to mix the personality? I think that’s not necessary.
Lockhart: It’s just some things which I prepared in case the character’s real friends read this story and find out who those characters are.
Hawkeye: Always prepare for the worst, don’t you?
Lockhart: Well, that’s me.
Hawkeye: Okay, back to the main topic. I need detail.

And then I start tell her everything about Alice and also everything about what I think about her.
Lockhart: She seems like a clone from Linda. That’s it, she is Linda’s clone. I think that’s a good word to describe her.

I know that it’s very rude to say someone who I just knew is just a clone from someone who I have already known.

Hawkeye: Hmmm..Isn’t that good? That they look alike?
Lockhart: Are you mental? After all of those hard works I put to stand up again to continue my life? After those suffering because of that painful break up? And after those years that I spent to get her away from my life and my heart by saying to myself that, ‘this is over’, ‘there’s no second chance’, ‘you have to move on.’ I think that’s not good enough.
Hawkeye: Even so, what are you gonna do about it? there can’t be two people who have the same personality. There’s no such thing in this world. It’s just your mind playing tricks at you. Just face it and stop comparing them. It’s so unfair for Alice to always be compared.
Lockhart: It’s easier said than done. It’s just, when I think there might be a chance between us.
Hawkeye: There might be. Just, see her as Alice.
Lockhart: Let’s hope so.

Tips for Writing March 5, 2008

Posted by stevenlockhart in FOF stand alone.
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Well some of my friends praise me about my writing and asking where did I learn how to write. Basically, it’s from experience in my English course couple years ago, also from reading so many books that makes me got this kind of style. Despite my grammar which needs to be improved.
Here are some tips for writing which was taken from Meg Cabot’s official website. Thanks to her that I manage to write and learn to love what I write

My advice to young writers is:

Write the kinds of stories you like to read. If you don’t love what you’re writing, no one else will, either.

Don’t tell people you want to be a writer. Everyone will try to talk you out of choosing a job with so little security, so it is better just to keep it to yourself, and prove them all wrong later.

You are not a hundred dollar bill. Not everyone is going to like you … or your story. Do not take rejection personally.

If you are blocked on a story, there is probably something wrong with it. Take a few days off and put the story on a back burner for a while. Eventually, it will come to you.

Read—and write—all the time. Never stop sending out your stuff. Don’t wait for a response after sending a story out … start a new story right away, and then send that one out! If you are constantly writing and sending stuff out (don’t forget to live your life, too, while you are doing this) eventually someone will bite!

It is nearly impossible to get published these days without an agent. The guide I used to get mine was called the Jeff Herman Guide to Agents, Editors, and Publishers. It was well worth the money I spent on it, since it lists every agent in the business and what he or she is looking for. It also tells you how to write a query letter, what to expect from your publisher, and all sorts of good stuff…a must buy for any aspiring author!

And above all, become a good listener. In order to write believable dialogue, you need to listen to the conversations of the people around you—then try to imitate them!

Good luck, and keep writing! If I can do it, so can you!

The last one is the hardest part. Some people hear, but they don’t listen. Even I need to write the conversation which I heard as soon as possible. Or else you will end up forget about it.

Similar??(part 2) March 4, 2008

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Why is this happening to me??
Just when the world seem to be perfect for me, it’s not fair.
Alice’s favourite band are also N’Sync and MLTR. She even a Sagitarius girl which was born ALSO in 29th of November 1988.

“I was born on November 29th 1988” 

I read it three times, I blocked it, I even get my eyes close to the monitor just to make sure it is really 29, because you know, sometimes there’s a little bit similar between 9 and 8 if you using certain font.
But it DOES really 29. Does this kind of thing really happen in real world? for all of this time, I think that this things only happen in some of those fiction books which I read. Alice does the exact copy of Linda.
Great, now everytime I look at Alice’s face, the face of Linda will pop out. Let’s just hope that I don’t turn my own head when talking to her.
Actually, I found this link : http://stevenlockhart.blogspot.com/2006/11/15-things-that-u-can-do-when-u-broke.html
In this 15 things that you can do when you broke up, rule number 13 said that
“When someone has just come into your life, don’t compare her with your ex”
Maybe I should never do it, comparing each other I mean. Tomorrow I will meet her in class, I hope it’s all gonna be alright, I should keep focus that she is Alice, not Linda.

I can do it
I can do it
I can do it







Or maybe I can’t

Similar?? (part 1) March 2, 2008

Posted by stevenlockhart in FOF.

Character Building is really one of my favourite lesson in this semester. It really teaches someone how to behave,and today my lecturer, Mr. Stan, has just explained about culture, especially in Indonesia.
Talking about culture, actually it’s somekind of habit. Because of those habits which keep continue from generation to generation that make them become a culture. And not all of the culture is good. The culture we’re talking about is corruption which happen in this country.
“What do you think that makes the corruption happen?” Mr. Stan asks to the class.
And suddenly my mouth moves by its own.
“It’s power.”
Seriously, I don’t know what’s happen with me,talking about the cause of corruption reminds me of my history teacher in high school which he says that power is the cause of corruption. And also I’ve read it in 48 Laws Of Power by Robert Greene.
Mr Stan never say whether my answer was correct or not, all he does just giving example from my statement.

After that lesson and I want to go home with George,I find out that I’m on the same elevator with Alice,I try to talk to her and let’s hope that she doesn’t forget my name this time.
“So, what did you do before this lesson? I know that you got a wrong schedule and came to campus earlier.”
“Well, I was in the library.” she answer with a shy face,eventhough she still smile. You know that smiling can indicates that the person is friendly.
“Library,what did you do? reading?”
“Yes. A novel.”
“A novel??” I ask confusely. “Does the library has a novel? Because I don’t think so.” That’s certain because the first thing I do when arrived in this university was checking the library whether it has some good books or not. But what I learn is that university’s library is different than the high school one. All you’re going to find out is just a text book and some paper thesis. There’s no entertainment-category in it.
“No, the library doesn’t have a novel.”
So she knew it too.
“It’s my novel which I bring with me.” she continues.
“Wow.” I’m amazed.
“You do really plan to read, don’t you?”
“So have you made a blog?” I ask again curiously
“Oh yes,I’ve made it.”
“Have you got any IM?” I ask ignoring her answer. And I get a surprised-face in her,because maybe she thought that I’m going to ask her blog adress instead of IM.
“Oh yes,it’s alice.fuller@freemail.com.”
I write it down on my PDA, I can ask her blog adress if I have her contact and maybe we can find out another similarity beside reading.
Well the elevator has reached the first floor and this time we have to go separate way. Maybe I should ask her phone number. But, whatever.

Later that night, I spend almost three hours in front of my computer just chatting with her. We do really find a lot in common. We’re comparing everything I know with everything she knows. Mostly, we’re talking about books and movies, and she does really have the same hobby as me. She even beats my knowledge in this thing about supporting actress/actor part. She sees a movie in two different points of view, first she sees it in its entertaining part, and second she sees it in how it is made, the technique,the acting,the storytelling and even the cinematography, which is exactly the same way I see about a movie.
“Wow, you do really know a lot don’t you?”
“Now I learn a lot from you.” I continue.
“So do I, now I have a friend who also likes reading. And the strange one is that he’s a boy. As far as I know, I never met a boy who likes reading a novel.” she reply.
She has a point in there. Even I never met a boy who likes reading, especially reading a novel. They prefer reading a comic because it has a picture drawn in it.
Finally I get a friend which in the same level as me. Not that all of my friends beyond my level, it’s just I rarely find a person who has the same hobby as me.
The last person I’ve ever met who has almost everything I mentioned before is Linda Horward who also has become my girlfriend for about two years. It’s nice speaking about something you have in common with someone else, and ever since we broke up, I’ve lost that kind of person.
Linda is the youngest child in her family,has two sisters and one brother,she likes reading comic at first time, but eventually change into reading novel, she also likes watching movie and we both have a common in our favourite band, MLTR.
And I think that’s why Alice looks similar to her, maybe that’s why I feel so close with her, I feel like I’ve known her for a long time. And who knows that I might be eventually going out with her. It’s not like I have a crush on her, no, not yet. But you’ll never know what the future will bring you, don’t you?

I’m currently reading her blog right now. Okay, let’s see, Alice is the youngest child in her family, she has two sisters and one brother. Her favourite books are Harry Potter and Darren Shan’s books, and her favourite band are….

Wait a minute…

The Truth March 1, 2008

Posted by stevenlockhart in FOF.
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It is Saturday afternoon. When I try to log in to my email, a message appear in my right corner of monitor.

‘You’ve got one new mail message’

As soon as I check,It is from Liza.
To: Steve Langdon <steve.lockhart@freemail.com>
Fr: Liza Mackenzie <liza.hawkeye@freemail.com>
Re: Blog

Brilliant. That blog you wrote was totally brilliant. Why do I say so? Here let me tell you this and prove me wrong. You are a really introvert person Steve, plus you have this strange thought about what-other-people-might-think-about-you, and I don’t think that you will either tell what is in your head or describe what have you experienced personally to everyone. So you mix your real life story with your imaginative one, so that even people who are close to you don’t know which is fact or fiction in your story. They will just wondering ‘Does this event really happen in Steve’s life?’ and also, you can’t be blamed for using someone’s personality into your character because the readers don’t know whether those characters are based on real person or not. The only person who will eventually knows that he or she IS those character is the person himself.
Beside that, this kind of writing can anticipated the people who doesn’t even know you to be able to enjoy the story, if somehow they get this link accidentally. That’s perfect, awesome. So you can express your feeling without making anyone notice it, because you wrap it perfectly.
I wonder who is this Alice person and I don’t think that you have told me about her.

HO-How could she possibly know? Who the hell is she anyway? I mean, just because I revealed my deepest secret to her doesn’t mean that she can read what’s in my head or my heart the way she likes. And doesn’t it a little bit mean to say ‘this strange thought about what-other-people-might-think-about-you’ because she does it too. Beside,I’ve just announced my blog link yesterday,how could she finds out so soon.

Okay,Liza is my friend. Best friend. She has been becoming my best friend since first grade at junior high school. She has this pretty look that makes other boys fall in love with. I don’t know how many boys have confessed to her and how many boys have been secretly love her. But what I know is that there’s only two men who has filled her life. And apparently it doesn’t look so well with her second boyfriend so they broke up. Liza is the only person who I’m telling all about myself including the first person who knows about my break up with my ex-girlfriend, and the only person whom I shared about my deepest secret. And I think that she is the second person beside myself who knows entirely about me.Well, at least she has proved it with that email. A long time ago, I had this feeling that maybe I had a crush on her too. But when she was dating her second boyfriend, I found out that it is not love. I don’t feel jealous or anykind of emotion which is related to falling in love. I guess it was because of my broke up which makes me kind of harder to trust in love again. And when I first knew her, she had this attitude about ‘what-other-people-might-think-about-you’ so I guess we have a similarity.

To: Liza Mackenzie <liza.hawkeye@freemail.com>
Fr: Steve Langdon <steve.lockhart@freemail.com>
Re: Blog

You almost got me a heart attack. Almost all of your words are true, except about the character part. I don’t completely copy all of somene’s personality into my character,but I also mix their personality with my own idea. And don’t ask me which is fact or fiction about my story. I won’t tell even it is you. But maybe you can find a connection between my blog-story and my share-story. So when I share something with you, maybe you can find out, it’s your job.
And about that Alice person, I haven’t told you yet, maybe someday. But, seriously,you really freaked me out. If you knew me so well maybe I should make you to become my wife.

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